


searching x and x finding

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Universe, Comfort, First Love, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: “I  don’t believe in fate. Or destiny. But I do think that there are certain people in this world meant to find us. And sometimes, we’re the ones who must search for them.”Gon doesn’t understand. “Isn’t that the same thing?”Aunt Mito smiles slightly, warm eyes crinkling up at the ends.“No.”(Or: if Gon never left Whale Island.)





	searching x and x finding

Gon’s grandmother falls ill the week before Gon’s twelfth birthday.

She lasts for a couple of months, mostly due to Aunt Mito’s diligent care. But the day inevitably comes when Gon finds himself standing shoulder-to-shoulder besides Aunt Mito, staring down at his grandmother’s grave.

And that’s when Gon looks to Aunt Mito, sees her shoulder’s shaking and the way her eyes shine with unshed tears, and that’s where Gon decides:

Aunt Mito’s already had enough people leave her behind. He won’t let himself be one of them.

 

* * *

 

The day of the Hunter Exam comes and goes. Gon notices the date the same way people mark anniversaries; like it's a permanent bookmark in the chapter of their lives. 

He doesn’t mention that, though. And neither does Aunt Mito.

That night they have Gon’s favorite meal for dinner- beef stew- and they don’t talk about it.

 

* * *

 

A year and a half after his grandmother’s death, and half a year since Aunt Mito gave him the sealed-tight box from Ging, Gon asks:

“Aunt Mito, do you believe in fate?”

She stops folding laundry, and frowns. “Where did you come up with that question?”

“I was just thinking about my dad. If he’ll ever come back here and if I’ll ever actually see him again.”

Aunt Mito looks off into the horizon, where the ocean blends into the sky. Gon watches her and waits.

She eventually says, “I personally don’t believe in fate. Or destiny. But I do think that there are certain people in this world meant to find us. And sometimes, we’re the ones who must search for them.”

Gon doesn’t understand. “Isn’t that the same thing?” 

She smiles slightly, warm eyes crinkling up at the ends.

“No.”

 

* * *

 

It's the beginning of his fourteenth summer on Whale Island when Gon meets  _him- his most important person, the missing piece he’s been waiting for but never really knew until now_.

Gon was in town to buy chocolate for Aunt Mito. They needed it for the cake they were going to make later that day. The boy with silver hair and stardust in his eyes was at the fudge store just because.

They end up talking, laughing, smiling- and they never stop. Gon invites him back to his house for dinner because the short time they had together wasn’t enough. 

Not nearly enough. 

So they walk back to his house together, arms brushing, and Gon’s heart pounds in his chest like it wants to fly away. If he let it go, would it find its home in the long-fingered hands of this boy who is suddenly the only thing Gon can see?

 

* * *

 

Gon has only ever cared about three things in his short life:

Aunt Mito,

All things in nature on Whale Island,

And adventure.

He sacrificed his last love for the first two. He never really regretted the decision, but sometimes he wonders:

How differently would his life had been, if he had sacrificed the first two for the last? What would he have experienced, who would he have met?

Gon doesn’t know. He doesn’t like to think about it.

 

* * *

 

The chocolate-loving boy has a name. And that name is Killua Zoldyck.

It sounds sharp, dangerous. It's not a name that belongs in a place made for sleepy fishermen and their wives. 

“Why did you come to Whale Island?” Gon asks him a week after their first meeting.

Killua turns on the cliff they just finished climbing to look back at him. The sun shrouds his silhouette in a golden halo.

“Same reason as anyone,” Killua says. “I’m searching for something. And this was a good place to rest and breathe.”

 _It's the opposite for me,_  Gon thinks silently as Killua faces the sunset once more.  _I don’t think I ever really breathed until I found you._

 

* * *

 

Killua loves three things too, as far as Gon knows.

One, obviously being chocolate. And that means chocolate of any kind; ice cream, candy, fudge, milk, dark- you name it, Killua likes it.

The second is his sister, Alluka.

And the third was being as far away from his family as possible.

At first glance, the last two loves on Killua’s list of three contradict each other. But Killua’s told Gon that what he’s actually searching for is a way to save his sister  _from_  the rest of his family. So they can both be free to live their lives together.

So, it does make sense. In a weird way.

Gon can’t really judge, though. He knows what its like to have family issues.

 

* * *

 

“Killua?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Depends on what you want to know.”

“Can you…tell me something you’ve never told anyone else?”

“What, like a secret?”

“Yeah. Only if you want to, though.”

“…I hate my name.”

“What?! Why? I love your name.”

“Because it reminds me of home. It reminds me of dying. And I don’t want to die ever again.”

 

* * *

 

For Killua’s birthday, Aunt Mito and Gon go all out.

Cake. Presents. Balloons. Candy. 

They have it all.

Aunt Mito and him spend hours decorating the house so when Killua wakes up in their spare guest room, he’s ambushed by confetti and cheers of “Happy birthday!!!” and chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate milk and chocolate syrup.

Because it can’t be Killua’s birthday without chocolate.

Gon and Killua spend all day together, exploring the forest, making shapes out of clouds, finding fish in the coral reef. When they come back Aunt Mito has a whole feast made and they eat it all.

Killua stammers out his thanks and his face is cherry red but Gon’s never seen him smile so wide before.

Right before they’re about to leave for town, where the townsfolk are setting off fireworks as soon as it gets dark, Aunt Mito calls to Gon-

“Gon!” she yells and he stops, one foot out the door.

“Yeah?” He’s itching to join Killua, who’s already halfway down the road, but he’ll wait because Aunt Mito deserves everything good in life, especially his respect.

Aunt Mito stares at him, and he stares back. He doesn’t know what she finds in his face, but the smile that graces her lips is soft and gentle.

“Just- be careful, okay? Make sure you look after him.”

Gon has a feeling there’s more to that then what she’s saying. But he’s already late, so he just bobs his head and chirps, “Got it! Thanks, Aunt Mito!”

And then he’s sprinting down the dirt path, pebbles flying as he leaves his house in the dust.

Off in the distance, he can hear Killua calling his name.

 

* * *

 

Killua thought about taking the Hunter Exam, but decided against it for a number of reasons.

He’s like Gon that way.

Killua will literally punch someone in the face for waking him up before eight in the morning.

He’s not like Gon that way. _At all._

Killua has killed people before.

He’s not like Gon that way.

_But-_

Gon grins as he races Killua down to the beach, as Killua laughs between gasps and tries to trip him for the fourth time-

But Gon thinks probably could, for the right reason. For the right person.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t stay,” Killua says and Gon’s heart goes cold.

“I know.”

“I have to save my sister, Gon. I won’t leave her.”

“I know.”

Gon understands perfectly. Some things matter more then your own happiness and this is one of them.

 

* * *

 

Their last night is spent under the stars, side by side on the ground with their hands just barely touching.

They don’t talk much. But that’s okay. Killua already knows everything there is to know about Gon, and Killua-

Gon knows Killua would give him anything if only he asked. And maybe that’s why Gon doesn’t speak. There’s no point in even trying.

What can you really ask someone who has in such a short time become your everything?

 

* * *

 

They stand on the dock, Killua’s boat behind him, and look at each other like its the last time they’ll ever see each other again.

(it's not. they exchanged phone numbers the first day they met)

Gon is having a hard time swallowing around the lump in his throat. But he asks anyway: “Do you think you’ll ever come back?”

Killua asks: “Do you think you’ll ever leave?”

Gon’s eyes are burning and blurring at the same time. He grabs onto Killua just as Killua reaches for him, and they hold onto each other with a desperation that makes Gon’s chest ache.

He breathes in Killua’s scent, his thin frame, his frantic heartbeat against his own-

And then he’s watching his only friend, his best friend, sail away from Whale Island,  _from Gon-_

And it's only then that he knows how Aunt Mito can both hate and love Ging as much as she does.

 

* * *

 

Time passes. 

The leafs change, sailors leave, Aunt Mito sends Gon out to buy more supplies for the winter.

Time passes.

And Gon spends it missing Killua Zoldyck.

 

* * *

 

“You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?”

The question comes out of the blue on a sunny afternoon and it makes Gon freeze as dries the dishes.

“Wha-” he stutters. “Why would you-”

“Because I recognize that look on your face. Ging had the same one, right before he went to take the Hunter Exam.”

Gon slowly lowers his plate. He doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m- I’m sorry, Aunt Mito.”

She pulls him into her arms and hugs him with a sigh.

“Oh, Gon. Don’t ever be sorry for chasing what you want in life. Do you remember what I told you?”

Gon nods. He finally understands what she had been trying to tell him all along:

Because there are certain people in this world who are meant to find you. And other times, you have to be the one who must search for them. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in....September 2016, I think? It was one of the first things I ever posted on tumblr. I'm posting it on here now 'cause I'm in the process of moving all my writing over from tumblr to ao3 in case anything ever happens to tumblr and it all gets deleted...
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed this very old fic, it's totally un-beta'd so if there's any mistakes it's all on me! Thank you for reading <3
> 
> [My tumblr](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)


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